Back To Yesterday

A friend of mine has been posting song lyrics pretty frequently. Some I've loved, some I'd never heard of. Either way, they were meaningful to him. Recently I heard this one particular song...and it spiralled me back into a time I'd almost forgotten about. Memories and nostalgia rolled over me...reminding me that most of the time, even when something ends badly, once upon a time...there were good times.

Hearing this song rushed me back into my senior year of high school. I was dating a guy named Brad. He went to private school about an hour away from where I lived... My friend Rick introduced us. It's hard to believe how tempestuous and emotional I could be back then. We ended badly...because of lies he'd told...things he never thought I'd find out about. And I was sad for it, because the thing I missed most when everything was said and done was the friendship. Maybe it was because of the distance, or because we only saw each other on weekends, but we talked about everything. And he had a romantic streak in him that none of his friends would have ever guessed. He was so protective of me...which isn't something I normally went for because I was such a strong personality myself...but it was nice. And then there was the way he was when we were alone together.

One day, after church, we were over at Rick's house...like we always were. He'd but the Skid Row CD on... He'd told me that this song always made him think of me. We were alone together in the basement laying on the couch, snuggled next to each other as he played this song:

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and i'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me i came through
I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that i knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - i remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - i remember you

We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said i love you babe, without a sound
I said i'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - i remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - i remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, i love you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - i remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - i remember you
Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - i remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - i remember you

As the song ended, he took the remote and re-played the song, this time lifting me on top of him...and he sang the song to me, his eyes never leaving mine. And then he kissed me...and repeated the song again, this time his lips lightly pressed against mine as he sang the song into my mouth, never once looking away or closing his eyes. It was one of the sweetest, sexiest moments. This guy who I barely think of anymore gave me that. He was also the first person I'd ever cuffed down and teased...though back then it was mostly innocent. The first guy to make me a mix tape where he narrated each song by letting me know why the songs made him think of me before he recorded them. He was the guy who stood beside me and held my hand through three funerals of people I loved that year. And he was the one who understood without words just how much singing at my Grandpa Cario's funeral took out of me and devastated me. He held me tight afterward and let me cry.

All those memories...only a few months of dating...and most of the time I hardly remember him. But every time I hear that song....those memories wash over me. No matter how much time passes, that song will always belong to him and me...and has the power to transport me back to some really amazing memories.

Nobody Does It Better

One of my favorite James Bond theme songs...

So does anybody post here anymore? Apparently not. It's sad if I was the last to post and that was 7 months ago (although I still do like to refer back to my pooch haiku).

Oh well, we all move on. I just had a turkey sandwich. Man, do I love that bird. Little bit o mayo, maybe a slice of swiss in between...delicious.

In other news I'm full and can't finish the mini-pretzels I brought in to work. Crazy, right? There is a jello-pudding snack pack in there for later, you know, just for tastin'

I'd like Carly to make me some sushi some time...I just got into it. My favorites are spicy tuna and spicy crab, although the veggie rolls were good too. And that wasabi just rocks. It blows up right in your face, but then dissipates quickly.

Fan-tastic.

OK, bye.

Sing in the Choir

So how much do I not want to work this afternoon? Enough to make a post to the Island? You bet.

Apologies to Carly and her magnificent voice, but we can all sing in a choir. It might not be in a church, with people who can actually sing. And our voices may not rise above the rest, but when we're sad, or happy, or somewhere in between, we're all silently singing with a choir as we go through our day.

Oh sure, only we can hear it, but it's there. I'm on the fence about whether its a good thing or not, but I'm leaning toward good.

So raise your spiritual voices and sing your silent song and know that there are thousands of other people doing the same, right along with you. Sometimes, let the sound pass by your lips and harmonize out loud. It helps, or at least it helps me.

If it doesn't help you, check your levels and feedback - maybe you're configured differently.

In other news, and back from abstract thoughts, I wanted to write a Haiku about my dog. She is the 46th greatest dog in the history of dogs (as near as I can figure, falling somewhere between the dog from Punky Brewster and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog).

Threatened little Pooch
Rescued by two crazy nuts
Filling hearts with love

Yeah I know its bad.

Not as bad as these

Tailer Park Lil' Doggie
Always full of pee and poop
Chasing all our cats

Homeless Free Pet Dog
Eating all our furniture
Nothing is ever free

Was that you small friend?
The smell of dog farts surrounds
Love you, but that stinks

Socks and Shoes and Wood
You chew it all to pieces
And then you kiss me

I have more, but you are all probably sick of my poetry at this moment. Excuse me, my choir is calling...

Square-Dance Olympics

So I see there haven't been many posts here in the last...oh say 4 months or so.

Completely unacceptable.

Why, you ask? Why?

I'm not sure why. You all have highly successful personal blogs. Why the need to put stuff here? Is it for further anonymity - something you couldn't post under your established Blog-dentity, which may or may not be true to your real identity?

It's good to have a place to go. When you need a place to go to get away from your place to go, then that's not bad either. We all need a place of our own, even when (or especially when) we cohabitate with someone else (and various pets or offspring).

So, I've learned precious few things in this life. Actually, and for posterity, here is the complete list:

1. Open yogurt lids slowly, pointed away from you
2. Don't open every tool on a Swiss Army knife at the same time
3. Always give it a 2nd, 3rd and even 4th shake - the last bead can be hard to shake loose
4. Live for today - you may not wake up tomorrow
5. Since you may not wake up tomorrow, make sure you hide your porn/old love letters/racy pictures well
6. Appreciate your family, even if they are completely insane and horrible to be around. You share their blood, if not necessarily their taste in clothing and sanitation
7. Don't worry about offending people - most folks can't think critically and if we walk on eggshells around them, it will just frustrate us more
8. Celebrate the lovely female form in every semi-respectful way possible. Playful slaps, strokes, pinches and noogies to your spouse are actually appreciated
9. Free speech is the foundation of this country. That, cheap taxes and religious freedom.
10. Bonzai gardens look like a lot of work.
11. Boomerangs should only be thrown by qualified Australians
12. Have fun at work...even if it means creating a fantasy world of twirly gumdrops and chocolate rivers near the break room.
13. Fantasize frequently and freely- think about sex often. But always stay true to your mate.
14. If you have bugs in your house, then you're disgusting and need to change habits. You also need an exterminator.
15. If you have a choice between cheap or expensive toilet paper, spend the extra money. Your ass will thank you.
16. Love and care for animals - it will be returned to you 1000 fold
17. Never bite directly into an habanero, also never touch your rod or balls after handling habanero
18. Pick a nice first name for your kids...Apple, Prince, Sharmonica, D'Artagnan, Bayne - all bad
19. Thin pizza rules all - unless you're actually in Chicago. Then go thick.
20. Seriously, masturbation is ok. Doesn't matter if you're twelve or 84...it's Ooooooo Kkkkkkk. Seriously.
21. If you're getting maple syrup, go for Grade B - it's more mapley.
22. Read books, watch movies and listen to music - all good for your brain (despite what experts say)
23. Don't be afraid to see a counselor/shrink/psychiatrist
24. Smoothtop stoves are a bitch to clean. A total bitch. Boiling water becomes a pita...
25. Learn one instrument...if you can't, then learn a language...if you can't then see #20.
26. Make some kind of list of the shit you need to do, then cross off one thing at least...and celebrate like its 1999. Don't get down with all the To-Do's left...eff that. Too little time.
27. Buy good shoes...you only have one pair of feet. Eff Wal Mart's shoe dept.
28. Find interesting men and women and hang out with them...don't let them know you have no idea what they are talking about
29. Don't be afraid to gamble in life...desk jobs, unfunny spouses, and $1 Show bets are boring. Sometimes you just gotta just take out your c*ck and flop it on the table, lay it on the line (figuratively of course) - *Ladies, the analogy would be to either show your t*ts, or go without underwear. Both work.
30. Don't lick envelopes, they can cut your tongue and taste disgusting. Use your finger if you have to, or better yet a sponge.
31. Keep yourself hydrated...peeing all the time is ok, as long as your mindful of #3
32. You can do a lot to help your kids grow up right, but they may still turn out to be assholes. It might not be your fault, so don't freak out about it. As long as they're not in jail, spreading babies across multiple counties, or cookine meth in the trailer, they're doing good.
33. Don't drink old milk. Seems obvious, but you should see the number of people who don't pay attention to this.
34. Some charities totally suck, but not all. Find some good ones and donate your time or money.
35. Bad glasses can ruin a beautiful face. Spend some time picking out frames.
36. Be open to new things and new experiences - we're always learning until the day we die.
37. Learn how to tell a story - it helps when you're in awkward social situations, at work, at home...pretty much everywhere. Nothing is worse than a good story told badly.
38. Accept suggestive pictures from the lovely Ladies of the Blogosphere (hint)
39. Try to write something more than every 9 months or so
40. Read 15 Minute Lunch - its an inspiration for doing things right (#37)...we all have great life stories to tell, and we should.
41. I'm out of things to say
42. Well almost out
43. Everyone thinks they're a misfit somehow, and we're all right. So don't feel bad. Revel in it. Roll around in it. Smear a little on yourself, laugh and take on the world. It feels good.

Thanks for reading, all 1.5 people of you!

The Suds of Her Discontent

She sank down into the bubbles, listening as they burst, one by one, around her. The water was just a touch too hot for her comfort, the tub just a bit too small to get comfortable in. Certainly no spa jets anywhere in sight. Ah, but better than the tub in the house you grew up in, she reminded herself. All that you DO have, and you only moan about what you don't.

From the bedroom she could hear classical music, but rather than a quiet background, it was annoying because the volume had been turned up more than she'd intended. The scent of the bubbles clashed with the fragrance of the candle, and she sighed, craning her neck in a futile attempt to rest it comfortably against the ledge of the tub.

She half wished that he would come home right now - and then half wished that he never would. Idly she wondered if she could hit her own head hard enough that she might slip under the water. The know-it-all side of her Self reminded her that, rather than a romantically tragic scene, the discovery of such an "accident" would be messy. Cold, dirty water and an already slightly bloated corpse.

She sighed and sat up in the water. She pursed her lips and wondered how one was supposed to take a buble bath in the first place without needing a shower afterward to wash the bubles off. Of course, she had poured far too much soap into the running water, because the last time she'd tried this nonsense, there were almost no bubbles to be had.

She pulled the drain handle, slipped on her old robe, and walked toward the bedroom to turn off the music.

Chasing the moon

(AKA, my rush hour commute)

Indigo clouds drift in front of the dazzling white full moon as I race toward it. I'm fascinated by the tones of the deep pink- and blue- washed sky hung casually over the college on the hill. (I'm sure the engineers don't appreciate it.)

Meanwhile in my rear view mirror, black silhouettes rise up against the golden sky as the sun sets.

Seal tells me that we're never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy
-- he may be right

Please Stay On The Line

Hello Internets.

I missed you.

Did you miss me?

I know we've gone our separate ways these last few months...I can't say that I was happy about it. I tried to use the time constructively, built some things, grew some things, did some things. So it wasn't a complete waste of time.

But let's be honest, it's not like when you and I were together. Crazy mad love, ours was. Furtive embraces, long, smoldering looks, and sweaty, panting nights that were all arms, elbows and soft naked thighs.

I missed that.

I missed you.

What we had was special. Or so I thought, until I found you hanging out with my friends all the time, beaming smiles at them that had once been beamed at me. Inviting them with your cleavage, and your mesmerizing walk. I admit it - I was jealous. We were no longer the "it" couple, and I found it hard to move on. Some would say I had to be led kicking and screaming, and indeed at first, there were some tears shed.

But I'm over that now. I know nothing goes forever.

A lot has happened since we last spoke (meaningfully anyway - those drive by "Hiya's" and fake, "You look good's" aside) - the end of Michael Jackson's trial, the breakup of Brad and Jen, the breakup of Bono and George Dubya, the bird flu, the hurricanes, the whatsherface coke scandal.

But all that means nothing to me. Sure its entertaining, but its not intimate and lustful, like our previous get-togethers. Like a lesbian midget making love to an albino dwarf on a unicycle, we were so exciting and yet so wrong for each other.

I miss you Internets. I miss you bad.

I'll whisper this into your delicate ear, in case you're embarassed.

Come back to me baby. The bed is warm and soft. I brought a bottle of wine, and some chocolate.
And I need what only you can give.
It feels so good...let's tango one more time.

Are you in?

Beautiful

I heard a song...It touched my heart...thought I'd share.

Rascal Flatts - Skin Lyrics

Sarah Beth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well
Since the day that she fell
And the bruise, it just won't go away
So she sits and see waits with her mother and dad
and Flips through an old magazine
Til the nurse with the smile
Stands at the door
And says will you please come with me

Sarah Beth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white
Something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you
Six chances in ten it won't come back again
With the therapy were gonna try
It's just been approved
It's the strongest there is
I think we caught it in time
Sarah Beth closes her eyes

and She dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And the soft wind is blowing her hair

Sarah Beth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake
For someone to take
A girl with no hair to the prom
For, just this morning right there on her pillow
Was the cruellest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny
Sarah Beth closes her eyes

and She dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
and her very first love was holding her close
and the soft wind is blowing her hair

It's quarter to seven
That boy's at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this morning where his hair had been
Softly, she touches just skin
They go dancing around and around
Without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
For a moment she isn't scared...

And fourty two cents

I spoke to someone about the Powerball Jackpot
He flirted with me
as I mixed sugar into my tea.

We talked about winning the money
and spending some time on a sunny island
drinking margaritas...swimsuits optional.

But all I want
is a normal life
with someone who comes home to me
and wraps his arms around me
even if it means
I have only fifty-seven dollars in my checking account

The Thing About Sucking

Sometimes you can get so angry at yourself, like I am right now, that you just don't know what to do.

It may not be warranted or justified, but that doesn't matter. You see something, a fault, a problem, a simple lack of something, or in my case you just outright suck at something and blow it. It just makes me so angry and sad at the same time, I don't know what to do with it. I try to get past it, but then i just think about it again, 10 mins, an hour, 2 hours later, and have that whole wave of nauseau roll over me again.

As it was happening, it was just terrible. Now that it's over, I need to let it go. Or at least pretend I do.

And I will. Pretend, I mean.

I'm not normally the crying type (ok, maybe i kind of am, but it's not nationally known), but I just wanted, no want to cry.

Maybe this will help
or maybe not.

God, I hate it when i suck.

Hold 'Em

You place your bet
your universe set
On the flick of a wrist
You check your hand
breath is caught
As you wait to see
What deal is thrown.
Will fate be gentle?
Will the gamble pay off?
Time will tell
The waiting's hell
One card
Two cards
Three
Then the turn
Suspense is high
You're afraid to look
down the river
Into a straight
Time stands still
The gamble's thrill

Secret admirer

I know that I will lose you someday.

It tears me to pieces just thinking about what that will be like. To wake up one day and know that I won't ever see you, or talk to you again. Steely fingers clench around my heart, because I know that day will come, because you're not mine. Your past, your future, your dreams, are all shared with someone else.

I'm on the outer edges of your life right now, wearing the mask of a friend(even in your sight...) but there will come a day when we will be tugged apart, and I won't be able to orbit you anymore. How I dread that unavoidable future.

The gaping hole in my life will return, and I will feel all the more alone, because I'll remember what it was like when I at least had a little bit of you.

I'll miss you.

Ab Initio

Gripping the knife firmly, she rose up behind him.

Quietly and carefully, she took in her surroundings and tried to clear the fog in her head. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkened room, and she could make out the overturned chair in the corner, along with the bloody ropes on the floor, and at least one of her shoes. A few random blotches on the floor seemed to be pieces of paper, or maybe they were the contracts. I will burn those, she thought absently, assuming she could get her hands on them.

There was no mistaking the hulking figure right in front of her, however. And she didn't have to see her son to know that he was right there too, cowering in front of this evil apparition.

Blood still ran from her nose, and her arms were slick with sweat and dirt and tears. Her hands quickly tensed into fists, one of them gripping the knife tightly by her leg, as adrenaline began flowing through her system in waves.

Boring holes into the middle of his back, she silently drew back and pushed forward with all the momentum she could muster. The sharp-edged knife plunged easily, deeply into his back and didn't stop until it went all the way up to the handle. He turned around awkwardly and dropped to his knees as the knife pierced his heart.

A pistol fell from his hand to the ground with a loud clackety-clack. Eyes wide, he mouthed words, vaguely sounding like profanities, as he continued his agonizingly slow trip forward.

"Die you son of a bitch, die!" she heard herself scream at him, even as she instinctively stepped backwards, one hand reaching out to feel for the wall.

But this was no movie and there was no last gasp, no last evil rush of strength.

He hit the floor with a weighty thud.

The small, crying child raced around the prone body and into the arms of his mother. Weeping, Luka picked him up and carried him down the dark hall, out the front door and onto the sidewalk, where they both collapsed in sobs and screams that echoed in the night. A short distance away, sirens screamed through intersection after intersection, until they finally stopped just short of #2744 Bronson Rd.

Musings

Keep writing

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